When my mother had an argument with a longtime friend, she’d often end the conversation by asking, “Are we still pals?” It was funny, charming, and surprisingly effective at ensuring that the relationship was intact despite the disagreement.
Conflict with someone close to us can naturally lead to concern about potential damage to the relationship. If that’s something you’re worried about, don’t be afraid to borrow my mother’s approach. At the end of the conversation, simply ask, “Are we still pals?” It’s a thoughtful way to confirm that everything is okay.
If you’re in a leadership role and have had a disagreement with someone in your network (could be a peer, a direct report, or even a more senior leader/board member), here are three things you can do:
- Put the relationship first. Say, “I value our relationship and I want this to stay strong.” That reassurance lowers tension immediately.
- Confirm the takeaway before you part. Ask, “What do you want me to remember from this?” Then share your own takeaway in one sentence.
- Give the person permission to address future missteps. Agree that if they’re feeling in the future that you did something the caused bad feelings, they can feel comfortable letting you know.