The Weiman Consulting Letter, March 2008

Wynnewood, PA

How to Have a Difficult Conversation
Quotation of the Month
Would You Like to Radically Boost Your Professional and Personal Success?
Resources
New Video on Leadership Skills

How to Have a Difficult Conversation

So often in business, a challenging issue will be brought to your attention by someone else. Occasionally, though, you will be the one who has to put a difficult problem on the table.

Regardless of the purpose of these conversations, what makes them more challenging for leaders is being the one who brings up the difficult subject and manages the conversation effectively.

Here’s a common scenario: Jerry is the VP of sales for a software company. Jen, one of his top sales representatives, has a tendency to reply to e-mail directives from corporate by clicking “reply all” and letting everyone know “exactly” what she thinks of the original e-mail.

Here are some ideas for how to have a difficult conversation:

1. Decide on your goal in advance. It isn’t always necessary, or even productive, to bring up an issue and resolve it in the same conversation. Whatever your goal, be clear about it, and share it with your direct report near the beginning of the discussion. Jerry might say, “I would like to talk about how you respond to e-mails from management and learn more about your reaction to them …” His goal may only be to learn more about it. Or he may want to solve the problem right away, too.

2. Explore the issue with them, as opposed to putting them on the “witness stand.” State in general terms what the issue is, and then explore it together. An example of how Jerry might pursue this is to say, “I’ve noticed that you reply to everyone when management e-mails are sent out … I was wondering if we can look at that together …” Working together to learn more will help avoid making the other person defensive or uncooperative.

3. Spend more time listening than talking. A key leadership skill is understanding the other person’s point of view. After raising the issue, wait for them to respond, and explore their answers, rather than giving more of your perspective. Ask questions when possible, as opposed to making statements.

4. Consider alternatives. Ask the direct report for their own thoughts about how they might handle the situation differently in the future. In Jerry’s case, he might say, “Jen, what else can you do to about your frustration over management directives, without communicating that frustration to the entire staff?” The idea is to have them generate alternative solutions. This not only shows you that they have other ideas for how to handle the problem, but they are also more likely to accept an alternative that they offered.

5. Work towards what’s next. Have a clear understanding of what kind of follow up is expected, and agree on a time to talk or check in again. For example, Jerry and Jen may decide that in the future, when she is frustrated, she will shoot him an e-mail as a way of venting, without involving the rest of the staff. They may agree to try that, and to talk again in two weeks to see how it’s going.

Be flexible in your approach. If the other person does not appear to be ready to receive your feedback, or if they become defensive, learn more about their reactions by asking questions. This will give you additional data that may lead you to change the goal of your meeting, or to adjust how you want to address the issue.

Quotation of the Month

“True leaders have an uncanny way of enrolling people in their vision through their optimism — sometimes unwarranted optimism. For them, the glass is not half-full, it’s brimming. They believe — all of the exemplary leaders we have studied — that they can change the world or, at the very least, make a dent in the universe.” — Warren Bennis and Burt Nanus, Foreword to “Leaders: Strategies for Taking Charge.”

Would You Like to Radically Boost Your Professional and Personal Success?

Would you like to learn how to build better relationships with key stakeholders throughout your organization?

Would you like to network with other successful business men and women that have built their own businesses or helped to build a corporation with real value?

Would you like to learn how to set and to achieve your personal and business goals more easily than you have ever imagined?

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Resources

I am often asked what books I read, or resources I use for my own personal success. I recently listed them all at my website. You can browse them here:

https://www.weimanconsulting.com/other_resources.htm

New Video on Leadership Skills
Here’s a video just completed on 5 tips for more effective leadership:

Click here to see it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FckiqMDTzYU