There’s a joke about a man who calls a house and a little kid answers and says,” Hello.”
The man says,” Is your mother there?”
The kid says,” Yes.”
The man says,” Can I talk to her?”
The kid says,” No, she’s busy.”
The man says,” Is your father there?”
The kid says,” Yes.”
The man says,” Can I talk to your dad?”
The kid says,” No, he’s busy.”
The man says,” Are there any other adults in the house?”
The kid says,” Yes, a fireman.”
The man says,” A fireman? Well can I talk to the firemen?”
The kid says,” No, he’s busy.”
The man says,” Is there anybody else in the house?”
The kid says,” Yes, a policeman.”
The man says,” Could I talk to the cop?”
The kid says,” No, he’s busy.”
The man says,” What are they all doing?”
And the kid says,” They’re looking for me!”
The joke reminds me of some advice that a colleague once gave to a seminar group that we were presenting to and that is,” The question that is not asked, cannot be answered.”
I think a lot of times in life we don’t ask a question we’re curious about because in some cases, we’re afraid to get an answer we won’t like and perhaps in other cases, we’re concerned about the reaction of the person that we’re asking, we have some fear or concern about that.
If that describes you and there’s a question that you have on your mind that you want to get answered, consider breaking a bigger question down into smaller ones and deciding what risk you’re willing to take.
Trying out even a small question sometimes can give us the trust that we have in the other person that we can ask some of the bigger questions, too, and those can reveal some answers that might actually make you feel a lot better than not asking at all.